“First tell yourself what kind of person you want to be, then do what you have to do. For in nearly every pursuit we see this to be the case. Those in athletic pursuit first choose the sport they want, and then do that work.”
– Epictetus, Discourses, 3.23.1-2a
“So what’s your backup plan? Everyone wants to get into the Business School.”
First month of freshman year, Ogg Hall West. Some kids on my floor were trading notes on how things were going so far when someone asked what we all planned to major in.
I brought up my plan to study business, and one of the kids smirked and let me know it was a really competitive process. Then he dropped a snide reply along the lines of, “yeah, get in line bud.”
He had a point, but I wasn’t having any of his pessimism.
“I’m going to get in,” I responded. “I’m just not going to give them a reason to deny me.”
At least that’s what I remember thinking at the time. I have no idea if I actually said those words out loud, but I might as well have given the way I internalized the mindset.
My logic was clear: Admissions were primarily based on an applicant’s GPA in a defined set of “pre-business” courses. Get A’s in those classes, you’ll get accepted.
Easier said than done.
But we’re talking pre-business coursework, not pre-med. If anyone can do well in these classes, I thought, why can’t I?
I couldn’t control how other students performed in their classes, but I could control my own study habits, effort, and turning in homework assignments. My approach was to maximize how well I performed in everything I had agency over, with the hope that doing so would make it as easy as possible for the admissions folks to put my application in the “yes” pile. I would leave nothing to chance by meeting all their criteria and then some.
The goal was to make my acceptance decision a no-brainer.
And what do you know, it ended up working out. In June following my sophomore year I received an email letting me know I’d been accepted to the business school.
In hindsight this all seems obvious (study hard, get good grades, and you’ll get in), but it was probably the meatiest accomplishment of my life up to that point. It wasn’t the first time I had performed well or achieved something I wanted, but going through this process showed me it was possible to take ownership over your own destiny by becoming so good you can’t be denied.
With a simple mindset shift, something daunting became very achievable. And it’s something everyone can embrace to get what they want.
Even when the environment is uncertain. When it’s highly competitive. And the odds are not in your favor.
I learned you always have some agency in any situation, even if there’s a large degree of chance involved and the ultimate decision is out of your control.
And it’s a lesson I continue to learn, with more layers added as I see the results in all areas of my life.
So how do you apply this idea to get what you want?
By working to become the kind of person who achieves whatever it is you’re after.
Okay, you can stop rolling your eyes now. But as corny as it sounds, it’s actually true!
Think about it. Who’s more likely to achieve their goal of “getting in shape?”
- (a) the person who creates a routine around going to the gym, adjusts their diet based on activity level, and gets to bed at a reasonable hour most days?
OR
- (b) someone who buys all the latest fitness gadgets, tries a new fad diet every 6 months, and stays out late every weekend?
We all know the answer is (a).
It’s not that approach (b) can’t work, but you’re fighting an uphill battle the whole way. You may get to where you want to go, but you certainly aren’t doing anything to put the odds in your favor.
The idea is deceptively simple, but requires focused attention in the right places. It’s a subtle mindset shift that requires envisioning the desired end state, identifying the areas where you have agency, and putting in the work to perform well in those areas. When embraced, this approach can be truly freeing, and have a great impact in all areas of your life.
In case you think this is all very obvious, it’s really not. Most people go through the motions to achieve a goal, without really thinking about the behaviors, habits, and mentality the people who have already achieved that goal possess.
As Ronnie Coleman says, “Everybody wanna be a bodybuilder, but don’t nobody wanna lift no heavy ass weight.”
So with that said, here’s how you can lift some heavy ass weight (aka, how to apply the idea of “becoming so good you can’t be denied” to your big life goals):
These approaches may sound simple, but stop and think about how often we truly focus on our goals in this way. We tend to start by complaining, or trying to convince other people we already have whatever desirable traits we think they’re looking for.
Instead of focusing our efforts on convincing, we should focus on becoming those desirable traits.
It’s a subtle difference, but one that matters. An approach focused on the internal, rather than external factors.
A mentality of agency, rather than submission.
A plan of action, not just hope and a prayer.
You may still fall short of your goal, but you’ll have given yourself every chance to succeed.
And even if the part that’s left up to chance doesn’t go your way, guaranteed you’ll come out the other side a better version of yourself than you were before.