After spending my whole life with short hair, I decided to grow it all out in the fall of 2013. Predictably, one of the most common questions I get asked is, “Why did you decide to grow it out?” I’ve been meaning to tell this story for some time, so for those who were wondering, enjoy!
The Inspiration
I was sitting in a movie theater when the idea came to me.
My siblings and I were watching the new Thor movie in the fall of 2013, and I was pretty damn excited. Yeah, the movie seemed cool and all, but I was more thrilled I could join them for a night out than anything else. Just a few months prior I was constrained to my apartment recovering from a chronic pain injury, the idea of sitting in a movie theater for two hours unthinkable.
As anyone who’s seen a Thor movie will tell you, there’s really only two things you notice:
- The Hammer
- The Hair
So as I sat watching this hammer-slinging superhero, I naturally had the thought any sane guy with short hair would have,
“I wonder what I would look like with long hair…”
(come on, I know I’m not the only one!)
I could have brushed it off as a silly curiosity, but I’m glad I didn’t. That seemingly simple thought led to a decision that would accelerate my recovery, crush old assumptions, and help dig me out of a lingering depression I had struggled with for nearly a year.
Sounds serious, I know. But you guys, this was a big deal.
I had decided to grow my hair out!
Some Context
Okay, so it’s probably worth noting that up to this point in my life I had always rocked short hair. It was practical, easy, and fit my general vibe as a low-maintenance guy. I’ve always been an athlete, and never cared much about fashion or style, so having short hair just seemed to make sense.
Plus, I viewed having long hair pretty negatively when I was younger. For some reason it seemed “dirty,” and I thought it would get in the way when I played sports. Then there was the stereotype that long hair makes guys look more feminine, and I wasn’t about to find out if I was one of the few who could pull it off.
Of course there were times when I wondered what it would be like to have long hair. But I never thought I would ever grow mine out. It was just a curiosity, something that crossed my mind infrequently over the years.
So why now? What made this the right time to completely change my style in such a radical way?
Contrary to popular belief, it had nothing to do with any particular fashion craze. (I actually had no idea what a “man bun” was until nearly a year into growing my hair out) It had more to do with a mindset I was trying to cultivate as I recovered from my aforementioned injury.
I’ve written about this before so I’ll spare the details, but the same injury that left me unable to socialize also caused a severe depression I was still battling even as my body recovered. I was looking for ways to reduce stress, regain confidence, and look inward for contentment, rather than seek validation from external sources.
So as I sat in the movie theater wondering what I would look like with long hair, I realized why I had never taken action to find out in the past.
I thought other people would think it looked dumb.
All my rationalizations were really just excuses. The truth is, I was afraid to venture beyond my short-hair comfort zone because I feared looking silly to my peers.
A Daily Reminder
A series of daily rituals for overcoming stress, anxiety, and depression became a part of my recovery process when I was injured. Each served its own purpose, but they always revolved around three themes:
- Relaxing in the moment
- Cultivating mind-body awareness
- Developing a calm mental state
Less external angst, more inner peace. That was the name of the game. Sounds hippy dippy, but this stuff really worked.
The daily rituals helped me relax and decompress, but so did recognizing and avoiding stress-inducing triggers. A huge culprit in this area was FOMO, triggered by thinking about what others were doing out in the world while I was unable to join them. This is partly why I began focusing less on external validation, and more on internal awareness. I couldn’t reduce my stressful state if I was constantly worried about what other people were doing and thinking.
This approach worked well when I was isolated and focused solely on my recovery. But as I healed and returned to a more normal life, there was more external stimulus for me to deal with. I didn’t really have a good way to keep myself grounded and focused inward on a daily basis, and was searching for reminders to stay present moment-to-moment.
So when I thought about how I would look with long hair, and why I had never grown it out in the past, the perfect way to remind myself to look inward materialized. Growing my hair out would provide a daily symbol encouraging me not to compare myself with what others were doing or thinking. My hair would serve as a visual cue to seek internal validation whenever I looked in the mirror.
It also gave me practice verbalizing this philosophy whenever someone brought up the topic in daily conversation (which happened often):
Why are you growing your hair out?
Because I want to!
How long before you cut it?
No idea!
Are you sure you want to do this? Some girls just don’t date guys with long hair.
Do I really want to know those girls anyway?
My approach was to own the awkward phase. Embrace the grind before my hair was long enough to tie back. And swing my hair back and forth whenever a dance floor materialized.
In other words, I would be forced to practice not giving a fuck what other people thought about me on a daily basis.
Long Hair, Don’t Care
My only criteria for cutting my hair was simple from the beginning – when I became annoyed with it.
Not if it looked stupid to other people.
Not if girls thought it was ugly.
Not if my Mom thought it looked bad. (she does, and that’s okay! … thanks Mom :-))
It’s been over three and a half years, and I’m still rocking the flow. I didn’t know it would last this long when I started, but it’s been fun. My friends haven’t disowned me, and a few even allowed me to participate in their weddings. I’ve discovered my hair is durable and surprisingly easy to maintain, and it doesn’t get in the way during sports activities as much as I thought it would.
Some friends and acquaintances – and yes, girls – have even told me they can’t picture me with short hair. Which I guess is one way of saying it looks halfway decent on me.
Needless to say, I’ve been pleasantly surprised to find that most of my assumptions about having long hair were wrong. I’m still enjoying the look and feel for now, but I can’t promise I’ll keep it long forever.
But who knows? I just might.
Whatever happens, the decision will be up to me. And me alone.
This post wouldn’t be complete without a list of my favorite song one-liners referencing long hair. For your listening pleasure…
Murphy Lee, Midwest Swing – “I don’t curr hell naw I ain’t cuttin’ mah hurrr!”
Willow Smith, Whip My Hair – “I whip my hair back and forth”
E-40, Tell Me When To Go – “Shake them dreads…”
Lil Wayne – I Want You – “Long hair don’t care”
2 Chainz – I’m Different – “Hair long, money long…”